Here Comes the Sun

February and March have been sunshine and snow, adventures, flu, small quiet everyday beauty, and an endless barking cough. When we haven't been snowed in, we've had a series of illnesses that have cancelled most of our plans and disrupted my newfound sense of the world opening up to us again. 

Yet in a lot of ways it has been like a second babymoon. We're glorying in this new tiny sibling, and enjoying quiet crafts in our cosy, comfortable, ridiculously messy, nest. 

Our sapling is a week shy of four months old. Exactly a year ago I was starting to get sick, and thinking it would probably be a short-lived blip. I'm gradually mourning those lost months less. I'm also incredibly, ludicrously grateful for every cuddle with Alder. Every expression, every quirk, every little chat.

Four months has gone in the blink of an eye.

(Titled for Alder's favourite song.)

Another month on

1: Accidentally coordinating outfits.
2: Making paints with berries and flowers.
3: Cat love. (Yes, Morgan is obsessed with those dungarees.)
4: We *could* be making bird feeders. Orrr, the peanut butter is nice for sticky sensory play...
5: Gloop, arts festival with friends.
6: Painting in the Silk Mill.
7: Birthday arcade.
8: Bunny child loves sweetcorn.
9: Gorse, heather, bump.
10: View from the sofa, on another day when I just couldn't.
11: Leaf.

(Still here. Still hanging on by a thread. Martin has had his hernia surgery and is slowly slowly in less pain. I am pretty low on coping, but trying to find the bright moments.)

Seven Days of visitors and visiting

1: All dressed up
2: Board gaming with friends (pizza at Derby Alchemy, yum yum)
3: Aaand board gaming again, with cousins, at Game Knight
4: New project, mess
5: My tiny nephew, Finn
6: Aaand board gaming at home with friends!
7: Watercolours

(Sorry, giant picture dump, I partly neglected writing due to illness, tiredness, and busy-ness... But also my phone was refusing to upload photos. And now I can spam you.)

Catching up: Picture Dump

There's a London road trip in there, and a week of guests. Christmas, and New Years. I've been in quite a good place. Too busy to wallow in the difficult moments. Making, doing, seeing people. Not fitting in everything I want to, ever.

Sometimes it's really great to stop and think that these adventures are getting easier, that at some point I've stopped forcing myself to say yes and started leaping at opportunities. (Sometimes, sometimes the leaping is harder and more coaxing and handholding is required.)

I've felt some resistance to writing, and have been painting instead. I'll probably try to drag myself back here a bit to document more of these days before they're gone.

This morning I was woken early, to the sound of my button box being dropped in the kitchen (the shelf collapsed "for no reason" apparently "we weren't touching it!")! I'd stayed up until midnight to pay our internet bill and get services turned back on, and then had weird dreams I can't quite remember clearly.

It's still dark outside, mist softening the houses opposite. The cat is sitting in the middle of our season table, clouded in blue silk and purring smugly.

I feel like I'm running behind with everything, not keeping up with myself, playing catch up with my life.

Wordless, again

It's done. I can't pretty it up yet or wrap the right words around the raw spiky places. As emergency surgery goes it was easy and she's fine now the half-teeth are gone. As fine as a stubborn and extremely miffed five year old can be when she lacks the vocabulary to express discomfort and just howls and howls for hours at a time.

I've been so anxious about this I haven't even written about her birthday, or Christmas knitting, or crafts, or the learning they are all engaged in. I feel really stuck. At least now it's more literally physically stuck what with trying to make her immediate world feel a little less horrible - rather than the emotional stuck of not-really-coping-with-anything and awaiting boiler repairs and surgery and landlord's inspection and more appointments at the same time as getting last orders out and saying goodbye to my mum as she flies out to Estonia to meet my new nephew...

Oh look, a few dozen words. Quick, shut them down before they overflow everywhere.