Yesterday started with a jolt, at half past four I was woken by Martin's alarm and felt Talia's arms around me with profound gratitude. The alarm had interrupted a horrifically graphic dream about my two oldest children dying in an accident, and it took hours to stop feeling sick.
Our day was perfectly ordinary and pleasant. Nothing out of the usual run of things. My anxiety gradually steadied and I got on with laundry, and stories, and meals, and gardening, and discussions about snails and Shakespeare.
At teatime, Talia asked for mushrooms with her chilli and stood on her stool to help cook them. I went off to put the books back on their shelves while Martin supervised. I heard Rowan and Talia downstairs shouting at each other and then screaming. Not sibling screaming, pain screaming. Because Talia had put her hand on the pan whilst yelling at her sister.
Martin held her under lukewarm running water, Martin hugged and comforted her, Martin wrapped her hand in a cold cloth and took her to A&E. Anxiety doesn't paralyse me any more, and I was right there comforting and making sure she had a change of clothes in a bag, popping a cloth in the freezer for the car journey. But I'm not needed in the same way any more. Daddy is the parent who most often is wanted for cuddles. Funny how quickly that happened once she weaned last year!
(Rowan kindly rubbed that in a bit at bedtime when she told me that she wanted to wait up until Daddy got home because, "he's better"!)
The little hand is blistered but will be fine. Today I'm cuddling and playing (and getting a load of laundry away, hopefully) and ignoring the fluttering of my heart that says, "you can't protect them, not by keeping them away from all danger, not by carefully and attentively showing them how things work and supporting them exploring, YOU CAN'T PROTECT THEM ENTIRELY.” Shut up, anxiety. No, really. I'm doing my best.
Goodness. Poor Talia! Hope it is healing well. xxx
ReplyDeleteIt seems to be healing well, poor thing. I'm still a bit of an anxious mess, but hopefully as it heals that will fade again.
ReplyDeleteIt seems to be healing well, poor thing. I'm still a bit of an anxious mess, but hopefully as it heals that will fade again.
ReplyDeleteYes- wishing her well, poor girl! It is so very difficult to back off and let them into the world, and I wish I could say it gets easier, but change....the things change as they grow, and it never ends (I think). I have to tame my anxiety, too, and it is worth it when I see that I haven't passed my own fears on to them: they are much more confident and thoughtful than I had been at their age. Xx
ReplyDelete<3 Thank you.
Delete<3 Thank you.
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